Strange
by Kaoru.and.Hikaru
Summary: A little collection of Wally's thoughts after select episodes. one-sided Wally/Artemis.
1. Strange Ideas

_**Set: Post-Relevation**_

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><p><em>Not so bad.<em>

That was the strange thought that crossed Wally's on the way home that night.

_She's not so bad._

He wasn't sure where it came from, but there it was. It had started that night, the most important night of his life, the night they proved themselves, the night they-the 'sidekicks'-had won.

They were fighting the big guns.

They were after the masterminds behind everything that had happened to them; the reason Selena Gonzalez was killed, the reason Red Tornado betrayed them, the reason Meg and Kaldur almost died. He couldn't forgive that, but, then again, he couldn't forgive anything about the Injustice League. Him being a hero (or hero's partner, whatever), that's just how it worked.

They had flown in; camouflaged, but spotted almost immediately, so their face-off began. Kaldur ordered Rob and M'gann away to complete their mission; he chose them because they were skilled, because they were _fast_, and Wally approved of the choice, but he knew what it meant for the rest of them. They were the distraction, the front line.

Somehow, Wally was alright with that.

He never completely faced the thought that they would were the decoy, that they would be the first to die, but somewhere in the back of his mind, he accepted it. He wasn't afraid of it, that's what being a hero was about. They would probably die, but Robin and M'gann would complete the mission, it would be alright.

They had taken away Artemis's bow and Kaldur's water bearers, so it had surprised him, once they were free, how fiercely they fought (it shouldn't have surprised him really, perhaps his head was still wonky from Vertigo). She fought so hard, yet she had no chance, and he could see it in her face, the fear of losing; dying. He was hit, and recovered, just as she was and when she readied herself to jump back in, he saw it. The fear of dying beaten back and taken over by her _violent refusal_ to lose. She wasn't going to let herself die, not tonight, and he understood.

When Conner was so worried about M'gann, when Robin faked death for the Reds, when Kaldur attempted to break the cage, when Meg abandoned her ship, when Artemis gave him the breather; they all had it, and so did he. Being a hero was not surpassing the fear of failure, but overcoming it. He had been told that once, by his uncle, but he forgot, how had he forgot?. And it took her and her sheer determination to remind him, and it was that same determination that empowered his next words.

"Leave her alone."


	2. Strange Feelings

**Set: Post-Failsafe**

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><p><em>Why?<em>

Wally didn't know.

_Why why why why why?_

He should know. It was his own mind after all.

_A fluke. It was a fluke. It has to be..._

It was driving him crazy, that he didn't know. He should know. He really should. Why didn't he know?

_It can't be true._

Wally knew many things, about chemistry, physics, biology; cell respiration, electric currents, carbon bonding. This didn't fall into any of those categories (he wasn't surprised really), but that didn't matter, because it wasn't _logical._

_It's not possible. Not _her.

It wasn't logical. Yet, he remembers every moment of that horrible dream; every anguished shout, every panicked hope, and the single painful moment his heart broke.

_Why her? Why him? Why now?_

He didn't know why. Because she died? Because she was interesting? Because she never fell for any of his shit?

_It's not possible. She hates me._

Because she thought about him when the bioship was sinking? Because she fixed him with a sling for his broken arm? He didn't know. But, it got him thinking.

_Maybe she doesn't hate me._

And that was enough.


	3. Strange Plans

**Pre-Disordered (ep 17) Post-Failsafe (ep 16)  
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><p>Wally wasn't sure about a lot of things recently.<p>

So many things happening so fast; faster than he could keep up. The trauma of the exercise (_it still doesn't feel like an excersice_) still hung over him; over everyone really, and they were all changed. Wally didn't really like change, not any that he wasn't expecting anyway; everything was different now, and no one saw it coming.

Wally loved his aunt. When he was younger, he'd always spend the night and they would make cookies. They would play board games and watch movies (_she'd always let him pick_). They even built a model once. She would ask him about school and about his friends and they would both eat cookies and milk until his uncle came home.

Wally loved his uncle, too. He had secretly (_or not-so-secretly_) looked up to his uncle for many years, almost as long as he could remember. His uncle had a job in town as a forensic scientist, helping catch criminals with the legal system. His uncle was so likable, none of his co-workers disliked him (_and he disliked none of them_), and no one could ever stay mad at him. Wally had wanted to be just like him for so long.

Wally loved his aunt and uncle so much, so it killed him to think they were dead.

He knows it was fake, all of it. Even after he sat in his room later, he could remember lying down, making a smartass comment (_what was it?_) to someone (_who was it?_) before it began (_it doesn't matter anymore, nothing trivial matters_). Even as he sat there remembering everything that made it fake, he called his aunt at home, to make sure she was okay (_to make sure everything was real_).

Everyone had stayed at the Cave that night. They all had their own rooms, but no one wanted to leave. They stayed out there all night; J'onn brought them blankets (_he felt guilty, but no one blamed him_). Captain Marvel had stayed for a while, too, still holding M'gann as she cried, and even after she stopped. Eventually he left, apologizing profusely (_it was okay, they wanted it like this_). None of them talked, they didn't really need to (_or couldn't find the words_). They sat there, silent.

Every couple minutes some one would reach over and touch someone else (_I'm sorry_), whether needing comfort (_I wasn't there for you_), or just needing affirmation that they were real (_I let you die_), nobody minded (_I won't leave you alone_), and everyone did it. A hand on a knee, linked arms, or just shoulder to shoulder was how they all fell asleep, one by one.

Wally and M'gann were the last to sleep. Rob had an arm linked under his leg, and held hands with Connor, who lay in M'gann's lap.

_Sleep_, he said to her, _we'll all be here tomorrow_. He tried to sound confident, but he couldn't help thinking if that were true, and she heard him.

_I can't_, she would say.

_We'll all be here tomorrow, Megs. _A lopsided smile, a reassuring tone. _I promise._

And with that she finally slept; Wally was left alone in his thoughts, and it was only then, in this moment of absolute solitude, that he allowed himself to think about her (_Her. Her. Her.)_. She lay next to him, breathing steadily, at peace. He was glad she could sleep so easily; glad she was spared most of the trauma. Her hair hung freely in her face; he swept it back, over her shoulder. He hadn't touched her tonight, hadn't made sure she was real. He didn't think he'd be able to control himself if he did (_he wouldn't have_), but no one was looking now. He traced a path down her arm, firmer than M'gann's from physical activity, but still soft with femininity. He ran a hand through her hair, softer by far than it looks (_and nice smelling_). He traced the outline of her face, her lips. There was so many new emotions inside of him, and he didn't know what to do with them.

Wally didn't like unexpected change, and he didn't like these feelings; these feelings about _her_ (_what was it about her?_). What was he supposed to do? He didn't know how to deal with it, he didn't want to deal with it, so he wouldn't. She was alive, she was real, and that was enough for him.

He pulled his hand back, and she let out a whimper. At first, he almost wasn't sure it was her; Artemis was strong, she didn't make such pathetic, dependent sounds. Another whimper, and this time he knew it was her; her brow furrowed and she reached out (_for him?_). He almost woke her up, to save her from whatever Hell was in her head, but then she spoke.

_No_, she whispered. _No, no, no, no._

She sounded frantic, but he didn't really know what to do.

_Please. No, _she begged. And she reached out again. He grabbed her hand and held it tight.

_It's alright, _he whispered. _You're alright._

She relaxed, her breathing evened out, and she was back in a deep sleep. Wally didn't dare let her go yet. He held her hand tight as he leaned down and lightly kissed her cheek. She sighed nicely and moved closer to him. Switching hands, he slid one arm under her neck and pulled her close. She sighed again, against his neck (_it felt nice_) and he finally let go of her hand and placed his hand on her back.

_It's alright,_ he said again. She was calm, but still he spoke. _I won't let anything happen to you._

This wasn't him. Emotions, trauma, feeling. He didn't want to deal with these emotions, that pain, the relief; so he wouldn't.

Wally wasn't sure about a lot of things recently, but something he was sure of was that from this moment on Wally West wouldn't be traumatized, wouldn't be upset, wouldn't love Artemis.

The blonde in his arms sighed again and nuzzled his neck in her sleep.

Maybe he could love her for one more night. Just one.

He could start tomorrow.


End file.
